Christmas time is here, I'm home from college, and Mom is doing my landry. I really have regressed in my journey into adulthood. Last year I was a teacher, worked regular, long hours, had my own place, and brought home a more-than-sufficient paycheck. This year I have a part-time 10-hour-a-week job as well as sub jobs at a daycare, the money from which pays my rent, utilities, and one week's worth of groceries. Savings and loans take care of the rest. I work long, irregular hours interrupted by hilarious antics of my housemates, and I get frustrated with the lack of room in my basement bedroom and shower. Yet, in seminary, I'm not nearly as tired in the evenings as I was with teaching, and Mondays don't feel much different from Fridays. However, though I'm not nearly as emotionally exhausted after a day, a month, or a semester of teaching, I feel more emotionally burdened, carrying spiritual questions about the past, present, and future. I wonder what the answers to those questions look like in the tangible form of the days of my life. Mom today asked me questions about a future job and 401k's, Roth IRA's, health insurance, etc - more questions I don't know the answer to, and more questions that weigh upon me. I look forward to seeing how the Lord will provide for all of this - what work He will give me, where He will take me, and what with what assurance He will lead me. I feel burdened yet watchful. Yet, if it be any encouragement to you, I feel more burdened than anything else. It will be only by God's grace that my worry will turn to watchful expectation.

What would you do?

What is the appropriate response when one of your dearest friends loses her semester project due to a computer crash? I, Person A, smile and laugh, not excessively, but enough to be aggravating. I don't mean to laugh, and I really don't think the situations are funny, but I always laugh in stressful situations involving other people. A friend has a nervous breakdown right in front of me - and I laugh. It's happened!

Person B at our table, in empathy for my dear friend, starts cussing - repeatedly - and loudly - in the seminary community room.

Person C starts retelling a time that it happened to her, and gives instruction on why saving is so important.

Who responded best? I would have to say Person B, though crude, showed the most understanding of my friend's pain. I obviously have something wrong with me because I keep compulsively laughing at other people in crisis. And Person C, well, I think there must be a proverb about Person C.

Melissa and Andy

They're married!

Snow

What is it about snow that makes me want to jump on a roommate's bed at 2:00 in the morning and say, "Look out the window - it's snowing!" ?

Read my previous post, then forget it.

Okay, this morning's post was a sham. It is full of feelings of guilt about not enjoying seminary to the fullest, and, to put it succinctly, it is me trying to be better than I am. I am tired. I am confused. Issues of covenants, the Church, women in ministry, baptism, predestination, etc... weigh me down. Grace so often is a comforting idea; right now it's just loaded with burdensome theological implications. Right now I just feel like pulling back from all things religious. I know this is part of seminary; it's normal to feel this way at times, especially nearing the end of the semester. A professor made the mistake of asking me how I was doing today, and as I teared up in telling him exactly how I was feeling, he knew precisely what I was talking about. There's no reason for me to pretend like I'm not struggling at all, and my struggles certainly aren't new around here. It's hard for just about everyone. I am grateful to be here, but it's hard.