Wednesday was my last school day with students, and Friday was my last day of work overall. I've been so busy, or at least distracted, since then that I haven't missed it at all. People have asked me how it feels to be done, and I haven't been able to give them a precise answer. There have been moments in which I have felt sad, yet there have been moments when I have felt giddy excitement. I was expecting more of a climactic moment of at least one of the two though. I was sure I would cry at some point during my last week, but I haven't. Yet, excitement of what's coming hasn't blanketed my emotions either.
Things hit me with a little more force today though. The English Dept. was hired to format and type some reading modules for next year, so I went to work today to do that. Walking in the building, knowing that I really don't work there anymore, pricked something inside of me. I have developed such a sense of ownership for that building, for those walls, for those floors and doors. Then, later, the custodians called me into the lounge and gave me a gift. The custodians gave me a gift. I have received some beautiful, thoughtful gifts in the past week. Jane gave me a beautiful commentary set that I am sure I will use again and again during seminary. The English dept. girls got me a certificate to a beauty salon. Students gave me plants, candles, and even Dr. Pepper and Little Nutty Bars. But, a gift from the custodians... I wasn't expecting that at all. And then came a real moment of doubt as to whether I had done the right thing... with people around me who love me and care for me like this - am I really supposed to leave. I am part of a community here. The teachers, the staff, the administration, the parents, and, oh yes, the kids... I am part of the fabric of the school. Am I really supposed to give that up?
Yes, I think I am supposed to give all of this up. It's another milestone in my life at which I am looking back, seeing the trials vividly, but also clearly seeing that God was faithful through every day. He once again provided me with a community that I cannot imagine can be surpassed anywhere ever again. But I assume He will work beyond my imagination. I'm counting on it.
1 comment:
Well, I am almost giddy with excitement FOR you! I admire your courage in leaving behind the "known" and the "safe" for the who-knows-what-next-week-has-in-store adventure upon which you are embarking. I will miss seeing your perpetual Hollywood smile and hearing your enthralling stories about your menagerie, er, I mean classroom. (how could I miss a chance at a wildlife reference?!)
I hope you are enjoying your summer. I sure am, but it is passing way too quickly. I have, of course, forgotten when your school orientation is (you only told me twice!), but I hope all is going smoothly.
I look forward to your entries, especially after your classes start. I will miss you, Jessie. (So much easier to type on a keyboard than to say in person... no one around to laugh at my watering eyes and runny nose)
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