Impact

There are four and a half weeks left of school, which, when you take out the week for finals, means that there are only three and a half weeks left of instruction. Being conditioned to do so since kindergarten, part of me is jumping up and down, squealing inside that summer vacation is almost here. However, the other part of me is simply stunned. Three and a half weeks. Only three and a half weeks in front of my captive audiences is left. Only three and half weeks left to give my students everything I want them to know. After three and half weeks, it's over - my opportunities will be gone. It is literally now or never.

I think we all meander back and forth from doubting of the real impact of our lives to self-inflating the influence we have on those around us. In other words, we somehow simultaneously come to view ourselves as gods while questioning the significance of our existence. We think the world cannot continue without us, yet we question whether we make a difference at all. The tug of war between stress and depression leaves us, well, stressed and depressed.

I had an incredible weekend last weekend. The final performance of the spring play was Friday night, and, for added poignancy, it was Jane and I's last play as well. There were flowers and tears and hugs, hugs even from students I know cannot stand me in the classroom. I believe I had more affirmation from students on that one night than I have had in the three years I have been teaching. I will never forget how one girl came up to me after the play, though. She had tears in her eyes, and suddenly she started gushing forth what impact I had made in her life. Well, the truth is, although the impact may have been great, there was no extraordinary action on my part. It was simply a matter of being in the right place at the right time with the right background. In other words, it was a total God thing.

Last Friday night brought serious questions to my mind. Did I make the right decision to go to seminary? In seminary, and later working in a ministry, will I have meaningful relationships with people who aren't Christians? What kind of access will I have into people's lives? If I work for a ministry, what doors will slam shut? What will happen to the kids I am leaving behind? Will anyone else care for them and nurture them?

It's easy to be stressed. Yet, the entire point of the story about the girl was not that I am a genius with kids in a public high school (trust me - I'm not). It was that my encounter with her was a God thing. I was in the right place at the right time not by coincidence or luck, but because God gave me the privilege of being the one to recognize something and having the resources to nudge, just nudge, her in a certain direction. And if that is true, if there is a Lord who is master over my days, then I must trust Him as He leads me elsewhere. I have three and a half weeks left of instruction, but my impact is nothing without God's hand. The fruit of my work is dependent on God's power. To be disobedient to God for the sake of serving God better is a ridiculous, and fruitless, idea.

To know that in Christ we have value can keep us from circumstantial depression. To know that it is in Christ alone that our days have significance can keep us from undue stress. I am to continue on away from teaching knowing that, in Christ, my worth in inestimable. I am to continue on away from teaching knowing that each day is His, and He works through my obedience. I am to continue on knowing that it is by His power that people are comforted and encouraged and healed. I am to continue on, trusting, for it is by His own power that my life will glorify His.