This ain't gonna be pretty...

Today was not an enjoyable day. I think there was a secret meeting over the weekend - a conspiracy, a plot, a plan for my demise. Never since my substitute teaching days has a student run away from me. In the past two days, on two different occasions, two students have run away from me rather than do what I asked them to do (one: pull up his pants; two: take off his hat). Two other students have bluntly refused to do what I asked them today. What am I doing wrong this week? Why the sudden lack of respect? Was respect ever there to begin with, and, if so, why did it dissipate this week? What happened, and is this the way things are going to be until the end of the year?

Also, I feel a little set up and then handled. Like, someone set me up for failure, and now they are "handling" me. They won't tell me they disagree with me, but they will manipulate and drop hints. I feel like the subject of a behavior modification plan.

March is going to be a long month. March has always been my least favorite month. TS Eliot said April is the cruelest month, but March is more oppressive, heavy, and bleak. The kids at school are tired of each other and the teachers. The teachers are tired of each other and the kids. Energy is gone, and we are gloomy, weary spirits walking around in exhausted shells. March is not good. The number of discipline referrals skyrocket in March. Kids act up, and teachers aren't nearly as patient as they used to be. It's a volatile environment.

I'm not looking forward to March. I am tempted to stew about it and play the part of the disgruntled teacher; I know I could play the part well. I'm trying to step outside of myself though. I'm trying to look at this coming month of March through the perspective of eternity, through the eyes of Christ. Grace and submission would never be so sweet as in a gloomy, dreary month of March. A gentle touch, a word of peace would never be so healing as in a time of weariness. Selflessness is never so hard, yet never so valuable, as when I just want to fight for myself in a month such as this. I still feel tired, though. I still long for spring, a shorter stack of papers, respectful and grateful students, and joyful, hopeful hearts everywhere. That's why I need God's strength to get me through this. Denying myself is going to mean not allowing myself to walk around grumpy all month. This ain't gonna be pretty...but it might at least have some grace.