Presence

"God is always with you," so said a woman of wisdom to one of my best friends recently. It's a simple concept, one that I have acknowledged for as long as I have been a Christian. I remember taking great comfort in that fact when I was in junior high and high school, a time when my spiritual classroom was non-profit Christian radio station playing on the dresser by my bed, transmitting sermons from Steve Brown, Greg Laurie, and Chuck Swindoll. I would leave the haven of my room into the threatening world of junior high and high school, some days having an abundance of friends, some days feeling like I had none, facing peers and teachers and upperclassmen and tests, holding firmly to the idea that at least God was with me and with Him I had all I really needed. However, by the end of high school, I doubted how close God was to me, or, more accurately, how close I was to Him. Yet, even after the later years of high school and the early months of college when the battle for my will was wroght inside my heart, and after I finally surrendered my life to His lordship and His grace, I still have wondered about those days when I was so confident in His personal presence throughout my entire day, those days when I would unashamedly and naively talk to Him about everything, even the petty little things in my life. I was so concerned about being able to hit the softball in PE class (I was horrible at sports - I didn't care if I hit a fly ball, hit it straight towards the first baseman or what, I just didn't want to strike out.) I was so concerned about getting an A on my test, having a place to sit in the lunchroom, getting to hang out with a certain group of girls. I talked to God about all of that, and found comfort in His presence when the days seemed to go horribly wrong. As an adult and a growing Christian, I have often wondered why, though I so much more mature now, I am not as conscious of a personal, intimate God in the little details of my life.

The other day, when my friend was simply sharing a struggle of hers and the wisdom her mentor had given her, "God is always with you," sprang forward and buried itself in my heart. Though I do often pray during my workdays and offdays, though I do try to take advantage of time in the car to pray, though I do try to set aside time to engage in prayer and nothing else, the beautiful idea that God is with me, as present as my students or the traffic or spider crawling on the wall, suddenly came alive as it never has before in my life. As I'm driving, the concept of God in the car with me and not connected to me through some spiritual mobile communication device is much more comforting. The concept of God with me at work and not looking down on me from some unreachable Heaven, a Heaven foreign and frankly seemingly irrelevant to the lying, one-step-away from trapping himself in a world of addiction, police, and prison student that I'm trying to get through to - the concept of God present in that situation and not looking down on that situation is nothing short of revolutionary in my heart. One on my favorite passages from the Bible is in Isaiah 43 - "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." and "Do not be afraid, for I am with you." I've never doubted that, yet my concept of "God with me" has been tainted. I have viewed God with me as someone who might be with me through a phone call. So many of my closest friends - Melissa, Melissa, Kristen, Kristi, Kristin, Krista, Liz - all are with me across the miles. I think I began to view God that way too - with me but via spiritual telephone. The concept not just as "God with me" but "God is present" has made my heart leap more than once this week.